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crotchpheasant

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crotchpheasant

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  • Number of visits : 757
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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crotchpheasant's favorite FMLs

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

#15510596
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28520) - you deserved it (9878)

On 03/27/2011 at 6:06am - animals - by StinkyDogs (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23902) - you deserved it (13463)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

#14774020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32630) - you deserved it (2961)

On 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm - kids - by Joey - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

#14608701
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32747) - you deserved it (5719) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

#14451100
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30158) - you deserved it (4059)

On 01/03/2011 at 1:56pm - kids - by jenabp - United States (Arizona)

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (3625)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

#13699174
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31560) - you deserved it (4681)

On 11/03/2010 at 8:08am - work - by nurse (woman) - Reserved

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

#13622060
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27225) - you deserved it (3092)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

#13496641
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39879) - you deserved it (3432)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:03am - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

#13361904
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45644) - you deserved it (4896)

On 10/08/2010 at 1:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

#13127028
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33618) - you deserved it (3525)

On 09/20/2010 at 10:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32854) - you deserved it (3188)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

#12793954
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27050) - you deserved it (3616)

On 08/28/2010 at 9:36pm - love - by 713 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39568) - you deserved it (2761)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17249) - you deserved it (41058)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)



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