crotchpheasant

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crotchpheasant

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1348
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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crotchpheasant's FML badges

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crotchpheasant's favorite FMLs

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

by James / 08/12/2011 at 3:54am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

by Creeped_out_n_stuck / 08/05/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

by 99520 / 07/28/2011 at 11:25am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

by therundown / 07/20/2011 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

by Jessica / 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

by AgentFreshers / 07/07/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to pay a surprise visit to my family after I got some work leave. I drove over and knocked on the door, and a young couple answered. Apparently, my entire family decided to move to Texas, and didn't bother to tell me. FML

by danielle887 / 07/07/2011 at 1:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's facebook wall. Apparently I give awful blowjobs. FML

by Anna / 07/06/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

by omfgfmlife / 07/05/2011 at 10:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

by nolove4me / 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

by DrugDeal / 06/08/2011 at 9:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 7:16pm / United States / Love

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

by Johntheladdo / 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy