crondickinator

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crondickinator

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 435
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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crondickinator's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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crondickinator's favorite FMLs

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

by NeedHeadPhone / 11/30/2009 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

by screwed.over / 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

by whitedevil / 10/09/2009 at 3:09am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

by namhtor / 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

by staringisrude / 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

by Entheatus / 08/10/2009 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 3:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

by robinhoood / 07/12/2009 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 9:12am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

by Higgs / 06/02/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

by Ouch / 05/22/2009 at 11:16am / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

by dasbooot / 04/30/2009 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2009 at 1:07am / United States (Illinois) / Love