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criss90's favorite FMLs
by Maggie / 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm / United States / Love
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by WeHitTurbulence / 03/08/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML
by ProudMother / 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Kids
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Ugh / 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by incendiaaa / 02/24/2013 at 6:17am / Australia / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 12:25pm / Latvia (Aluksnes) / Holidays
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by katwingz / 02/19/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:09am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…