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criss90's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML
by datgirl92 / 05/24/2013 at 10:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by seriously / 05/24/2013 at 3:04am / United States / Animals
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by AwkwardHaole808 / 05/22/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
by pianoplayer / 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Jololol / 05/17/2013 at 5:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by JamiesMom / 05/13/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by MrConcise / 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2013 at 9:57am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
- Today, i found out my boyfriend of two years is hitting on my friend. The friend who told me he was… Today, I had to get out of bed at 2am to go tell my parrot to stop playing with his bell. I covered… Today, I was rushed to the hospital for a sever allergic reaction to the shot I paid $300+ for, to…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…