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criss90's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
by kittkatt1 / 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by thank god you'll only live once / 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by jdawn99 / 10/22/2013 at 10:24am / United States (Kansas) / Kids
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by NestHead / 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Animals
Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML
by justonce / 09/23/2013 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML
by MixMastaKDizzle / 09/23/2013 at 4:23am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by msmidnight1965 / 09/22/2013 at 1:22pm / Canada / Kids
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
by dadyoureacunt / 09/21/2013 at 9:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by madden2014 / 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm / United States (California) / Work
by someone / 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because…
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I was on an adult-orientated website when my mother entered the room. I closed the webpage…