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criss90's favorite FMLs
by dunn76 / 12/25/2014 at 6:47am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML
by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
by mainlineloser / 11/28/2014 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML
by Sleep. / 11/27/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by bookworm / 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by boo / 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
by notsofriendly / 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
by aineroo / 11/05/2014 at 4:25pm / Ireland (Galway) / Miscellaneous
by Australian Lifeguard / 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by fizzie101 / 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by clairebear104 / 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by haileelouxxx / 08/22/2014 at 8:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by emmamrose7 / 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
- Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three… Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began… Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She…
- Today, I realized the only reason I have a job is because I'm seeing my bosses daughter but she's a… Today, my mom's guilt tripping reached a new level when she told me all she wanted for her birthday… Today, I realized that my favorite sex position is trying to sleep and hopes he finishes soon. FML