Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

crazyhomelessman

Offline (the 06/14/2015 at 10:03pm) | Search for a member

crazyhomelessman

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 271
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

crazyhomelessman's page activity

Visits<b>llamingo</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 7:36pm<b>bubblesBVB61113</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 11:36am<b>Mkm1997</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Brainnnnz</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 12:34pm<b>Calaraphea</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 3:57pm<b>cwl727</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 1:26pm<b>ChenEighty</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 8:40pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 4:09pm<b>TallyFtw69</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 9:26am

crazyhomelessman's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of crazyhomelessman's badges

crazyhomelessman's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32818) - you deserved it (2059)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

#21370942
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29370) - you deserved it (7304)

On 03/09/2015 at 2:01am - misc - by why they bomb - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

#21366058
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28041) - you deserved it (2489)

On 03/01/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by smalltownkid - United States (Texas)

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31868) - you deserved it (18297)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41656) - you deserved it (3010)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

#20500417
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35865) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

#20477498
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29590) - you deserved it (5929)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my step-mom threw out some of the "boxes of junk" in my room, because apparently, I'm a pack rat. I guess she and everyone else in my family won't be receiving those Christmas presents. FML

#20177886
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29525) - you deserved it (1583)

On 11/25/2012 at 8:28am - money - by WritingWrongs - United States

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

#19707961
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34129) - you deserved it (4527)

On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14515) - you deserved it (36422)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

#19495403
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23034) - you deserved it (5419)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by ajnmegs - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42122) - you deserved it (8783)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

#6914931
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33678) - you deserved it (2785)

On 12/24/2009 at 1:09am - love - by Nemesis2747 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

#3249982
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17834) - you deserved it (47166)

On 06/26/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by Saucy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

#45104
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7858) - you deserved it (30374)

On 02/15/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by sillybrohos (woman) - United States (Colorado)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: