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crazoy's favorite FMLs
Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML
by bandcamp926 / 01/04/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by ljjprchf / 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML
by Anon / 12/05/2009 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Intimacy
Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (Alabama) / Holidays
Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML
by ZombieLicker / 11/25/2009 at 3:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy
Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML
by disheshateme / 11/18/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by alltern8ive / 11/09/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Louisiana) / Love
Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML
by ScaryOldMan / 10/07/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
by absentmindedmoron / 09/27/2009 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML
by spideypowers / 09/05/2009 at 12:06am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML
by kittykat / 08/08/2009 at 2:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML
by FreakedOut / 07/31/2009 at 4:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
by mvp / 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous