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crazoy's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML
by anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 11:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML
by Kim422 / 06/28/2010 at 2:18am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by CARnage / 05/21/2010 at 6:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation
Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML
by MisterT / 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2010 at 12:15pm / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Love
Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML
by cman / 02/26/2010 at 6:17am / Romania (Iasi) / Miscellaneous
by bystander / 02/07/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML
Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML
by spleechick / 01/27/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML
by nyu / 01/25/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 4:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML
by Nissan_David / 01/18/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Jac / 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML
by warningxxLidell / 01/09/2010 at 1:45am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation
- Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed… Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off… Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely…