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crazoy's favorite FMLs
Today, I summoned the courage to talk to my friends about the money they owe me for my photography services at their wedding. We had agreed on a fair price, but now they're pissed, claiming that I'm being selfish and should consider it my wedding gift to them. FML
by cheese / 09/26/2013 at 5:31pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 5:36pm / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Animals
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 1:07am / United States / Work
Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 12:26pm / United States / Work
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm / United States / Health
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML
by juvenile friends suck / 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy
by nomegusta / 01/05/2013 at 10:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Tooyoungforthis / 01/03/2013 at 7:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by christmaswillneverend / 01/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
- Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while… Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he… Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over…