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crap1crap2crap3's favorite FMLs
by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health
Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health
by robzzz / 02/16/2012 at 2:13am / Canada / Intimacy
by Jayde / 02/04/2012 at 12:12am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML
by youjustsuck / 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:38pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by jakewr / 07/02/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 4:37pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 3:01am / Mexico (Morelos) / Intimacy
by lambxox / 11/08/2010 at 4:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML
by toazt / 10/10/2010 at 4:45am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by megaladon / 06/28/2010 at 4:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML
by Matt / 10/15/2009 at 7:17pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after a few years of really comitting to loosing weight, I've finally reached my goal. Now… Today, I had a laser surgery to fix my eyesight. I was under immense pain afterwards, so the doctor… Today, a customer flipped out because we are fundraising for the American Lung Association, and she…