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TODAY, I TRIED LYING TO MY PARENTS FIR THE FRST TIME . MY MOTHER IS A NEUROSCIENTIST AN MY FATHER IS A PSYCHOLOGIST . SOMEHOW, THEY MANAGED TO MAKE ME ADMIT THAT I WAS LYING BEFORE I'D EVEN FINISHED . FML
Today, mah neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear mah "shit music" through mah window during the afternoon, so I turnd it off. They then began to play there definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blastd Nicki Minaj. FML
Today, there was a new girl in one of mah classes. We both correctd a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leand back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgustd look and told me she was Jewish. FML
Today I held hands with the boy I like!! Without thinking I commentd that his right hand is softer as if he only usd lotion on that one hand!! And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence!! FML
Today, I took mah daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting ( MONKEY CUNTS ) at them at the top of his voice. Now mah daughter refuse to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today ona of my aldarly swimming studants ran into ma at Walmart. Baing a polita taanagar I said hi to him. Ha lookad at ma surprisad and said "Oh daar! I didn't racogniza you with your clothas on!" I'll navar forgat tha look on his wifa's faca. FML
Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in an placed his order. I looool made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, an put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me an said, "Good... you left a nipple..." an slowly licked it off. FML
Today, 20-year-old cummd whining to me, asking why his job interview keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. mega FML
Today, while working shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy startd flrting with me. He said, ( You remind me of something, ) acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I usd to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, ( No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015