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crabby1999

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crabby1999
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  • Number of visits : 37
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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crabby1999's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32440) - you deserved it (11475)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32641) - you deserved it (4927)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36705) - you deserved it (4655)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35346) - you deserved it (3308)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39429) - you deserved it (5791)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

#21101310
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (2973)

On 03/31/2014 at 8:43pm - misc - by awks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33700) - you deserved it (4918)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17539) - you deserved it (42879)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

#21096093
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33590) - you deserved it (3086)

On 03/25/2014 at 2:42pm - misc - by fluent in two, unlike you (man) - Mexico

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45257) - you deserved it (11007)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

#21095673
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34423) - you deserved it (3153)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

#21095607
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31023) - you deserved it (8695)

On 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41666) - you deserved it (5192)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36705) - you deserved it (2742)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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