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Offline (the 07/07/2016 at 4:15pm)



  • Town/Country : Mooresville, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4030
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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crabby1999's page activity

Visits<b>lilbird187</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 8:00pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 6:13pm<b>ObsidianDrone</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 10:47pm<b>fred1246810</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 2:41pm<b>PricelessHydra</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:24pm<b>honeybunny90</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 10:48pm<b>WCARlover</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 10:23pm<b>gramirez23</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 12:19am<b>Patty410</b> - the 03/01/2014 at 12:49pm<b>Psufans</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 9:29pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 1:03am<b>sunshine41196</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 3:28am

crabby1999's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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crabby1999's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

by hotmess / 04/24/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 10:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

by Bex / 03/15/2016 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

by Anon / 03/15/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML

by singlemam / 03/14/2016 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, while trying to sleep, my roommates were shouting in the next room. When I poked my head out to tell them to shut up, I was greeted to the sight of one of them with his knob duct-taped inside a gun holster, and the other one trying to rip it off. And they wonder why I'm not more social. FML

by NotEnoughBleach / 03/13/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

by notsoproudfather / 02/01/2016 at 10:54am / India (Maharashtra) / Kids

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

by whatthefuck / 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

by a non e mouse / 11/10/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous