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courtjester86's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
courtjester86's favorite FMLs
by MisUnFortunate / 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by fart / 11/27/2014 at 10:13am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML
by HereToLaughAtU / 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
by nenette / 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX / 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/29/2014 at 4:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by subduedbeast / 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
by HappilyNeverAfter / 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by abbshows / 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
by JackieD / 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by TCRII / 07/23/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
- Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips… Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I…
- Today, I lost 30 pounds, I was so excited so I showed my husband (which I normally don't do because… Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for the guy "I shouldn't worry about he's just a friend. FML Today, I tried to wake up my boyfriend for morning sex with a Blowjob, he woke up looked at me said…