About cornyrob : Viderunt omnes.
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cornyrob's favorite FMLs
Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML
by PlsForget / 08/18/2016 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML
by xAdtrx3x / 08/11/2016 at 2:16pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML
by NotAGoodDay / 08/10/2016 at 2:57pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/29/2016 at 4:33pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
by Toroka / 07/29/2016 at 2:59pm / Love
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML
by problems / 07/27/2016 at 2:43am / Thailand (Phuket) / Holidays
Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML
by fmlsheffgirl / 07/25/2016 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work
by ladams94 / 07/17/2016 at 2:39pm / Work
Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML
by ObviousBooty / 07/17/2016 at 3:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Lil Bro / 07/16/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy
by MATTY2512 / 07/13/2016 at 2:13pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
by Forever_Cursed / 06/28/2016 at 10:02am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I had to politely nod and say "Ah okay..." as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2016 at 9:12am / United States (Texas) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…