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cooterpie's FML badges
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cooterpie's favorite FMLs
Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML
by satisfied88 / 06/02/2011 at 10:49am / Intimacy
by evomadrid24 / 06/01/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
by Alice / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML
by Cassie / 05/21/2011 at 3:44am / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML
by sad / 05/05/2011 at 10:40am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love
Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2011 at 1:21am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 3:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/27/2011 at 3:16pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by disfunctionalfamily / 04/27/2011 at 3:03pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
by Jyocka / 04/26/2011 at 6:25pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML
by notimpressed / 04/26/2011 at 3:25pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck… Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts…