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cooterpie's FML badges
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cooterpie's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money
Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
by parenting sucks / 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML
by Nell / 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by asianlover / 06/30/2011 at 3:24am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML
by luroluro / 06/23/2011 at 4:17am / United States / Work
by shyshy96679 / 06/20/2011 at 6:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by evomadrid24 / 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
by Username / 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
by Ryan / 06/11/2011 at 10:24am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Patrick R / 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I realized I despise most of my friends and will do anything to avoid them. Including hiding… Today, a guy was trying to sext me while I watched a horror movie. I told him I wasn't in the mood… Today, I was supposed to get my birth certificate and social security number in the mail. The same…