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cooterpie's FML badges
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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
cooterpie's favorite FMLs
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:36am / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML
by sadinmass / 11/13/2010 at 8:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:47am / United States (New York) / Money
Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML
by tuppu / 11/03/2010 at 10:35am / Finland / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML
by tht1chk / 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by shiznit / 10/25/2010 at 3:05pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by sugar / 10/18/2010 at 8:23am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 2:36am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 2:44am / United States (California) / Love
by princessj / 10/16/2010 at 1:50am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML
by racist / 10/15/2010 at 2:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…