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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Perfectionist
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Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (2320)
On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)
Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19325) - you deserved it (4940)
On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16710) - you deserved it (1928)
On 06/19/2012 at 6:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (2878)
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22197) - you deserved it (2296)
On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19138) - you deserved it (1302)
On 06/05/2012 at 10:48am - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5225) - you deserved it (19965)
On 04/26/2012 at 6:44am - work - by NoPrivacy (woman) - United States
Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7076) - you deserved it (27406)
On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18250) - you deserved it (8847)
On 03/21/2012 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by tellingthetruth (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28381) - you deserved it (4125)
On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (120) - you deserved it (2726)
On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27035) - you deserved it (3680)
On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (2445)
On 01/27/2012 at 5:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (3865)
On 12/12/2011 at 2:44am - love - by smurfisurfer1 - United States (Kansas)
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7078) - you deserved it (29330)
On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by stinky (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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