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cooterpie

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cooterpie
  • Town/Country : Usa
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2802
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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cooterpie's favorite FMLs

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21182) - you deserved it (1751)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28530) - you deserved it (6152)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

#20087510
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18459) - you deserved it (1626)

On 09/25/2012 at 12:13am - health - by N/A (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39945) - you deserved it (2698)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13817) - you deserved it (37121)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25980) - you deserved it (4863)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

#19977285
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7675) - you deserved it (56454)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by henley -

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

#19956706
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28023) - you deserved it (2836)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

#19933924
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21771) - you deserved it (5962)

On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

#19812201
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17190) - you deserved it (1963)

On 06/19/2012 at 6:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35077) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25783) - you deserved it (2929)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

#19737959
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23291) - you deserved it (1808)

On 06/05/2012 at 10:48am - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

#19531197
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6181) - you deserved it (27018)

On 04/26/2012 at 6:44am - work - by NoPrivacy (woman) - United States

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

#19344343
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7313) - you deserved it (28361)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)



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