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Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (5372)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25321) - you deserved it (3493)
On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States
I agree, your life sucks (33665) - you deserved it (6516)
On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27380) - you deserved it (1754)
On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22903) - you deserved it (2984)
On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15488) - you deserved it (1734)
On 11/17/2012 at 1:42am - misc - by sarahhbear - United States (Texas)
Today, my English professor accused me of plagiarizing a poem I submitted, because she'd read it online earlier that day. The poem was mine; I posted it after writing it for her class, and even after logging into the site to prove it, she reported me to the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (1476)
On 11/13/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by ninjakomodo (man) - United States
Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5106) - you deserved it (14848)
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20435) - you deserved it (1707)
On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21070) - you deserved it (4558)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17849) - you deserved it (1579)
On 09/25/2012 at 12:13am - health - by N/A (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38238) - you deserved it (2639)
On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10550) - you deserved it (32425)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21572) - you deserved it (4359)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6627) - you deserved it (44666)
On 07/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by henley -
Friday 24 May 2013
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