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cooper_trooper's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous
by maddiecat / 01/08/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
by gassy / 01/07/2013 at 10:40am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
by wetsheets / 01/07/2013 at 8:01am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML
by kat124ever / 01/07/2013 at 3:35am / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Love
Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 7:24pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML
by lifsabtch / 01/06/2013 at 12:24pm / Love
Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML
by so embarrassed / 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML
by anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 11:16am / United States / Transportation
by kblevss / 01/05/2013 at 4:21am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 12:54am / United States / Transportation
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML
by moronforadad / 01/04/2013 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous