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cooper_trooper's favorite FMLs
by toritoratora / 11/26/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
by dumping time / 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Intimacy
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:55pm / Europe / Miscellaneous
by I'm stupid / 11/25/2012 at 10:08am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2012 at 7:25pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/24/2012 at 8:59am / United States / Kids
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
by Read The Fine Print / 11/24/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML
by Whipped Cream / 11/24/2012 at 12:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML
by FUCK A FUCKING DUCK / 11/23/2012 at 12:20pm / Bahamas (New Providence) / Money
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML
by Unfortunate Painter / 11/22/2012 at 9:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I bought a non-refundable $200 plane ticket to Ohio to be with my girlfriend who moved there… Today, after tossing and turning for hours trying to sleep, I finally doze off. I am then awoken by… Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought…