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cooper_trooper's FML badges
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cooper_trooper's favorite FMLs
Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML
by ScoozieBooze / 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML
by joyness / 12/20/2012 at 9:49am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
by djl / 12/20/2012 at 12:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Work
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by ehrmagahd / 12/19/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Work
by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch / 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
by Dog_Lover / 12/18/2012 at 10:30am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Bonding_boys / 12/17/2012 at 11:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by Sarah / 12/17/2012 at 7:25am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
by Steve / 12/16/2012 at 1:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by mysidesaresplitting / 12/14/2012 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…