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cooper_trooper's favorite FMLs
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation
by mattrd / 02/13/2013 at 4:01pm / United States / Kids
by Turdfoot / 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by notgay / 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
by firestar772 / 02/11/2013 at 10:48am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 8:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Holidays
Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML
by mhmm... cumsquats / 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm / Belgium (Brabant) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Love
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by katelynm / 02/08/2013 at 1:24am / United States / Love
Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML
by chattyloz / 02/07/2013 at 7:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML
by gilbirds / 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by dab1230 / 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…