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coolboy675's favorite FMLs
by Catuser / 03/05/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
by cockfist / 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/04/2014 at 4:06pm / Norway (Akershus) / Love
Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML
by fuck you, jack / 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by ouch / 03/02/2014 at 3:44am / United States (Iowa) / Love
by lovely / 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2014 at 4:31am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by jill / 02/25/2014 at 11:59am / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML
by M.A. / 02/25/2014 at 12:22am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by sonwhy / 02/24/2014 at 7:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by coppervains / 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML
by Cuntface McGee / 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm / Romania (Cluj) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by heyadrian / 02/20/2014 at 11:06am / United States (California) / Health
- Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan.… Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned… Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If…