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coolboy675's favorite FMLs
by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML
by marcymoo / 03/11/2013 at 12:09am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML
by Raiden / 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Nogood / 03/10/2013 at 5:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 3:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy
Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML
by whaaaaat111 / 03/09/2013 at 7:04am / United States (Virginia) / Money
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by itsnotyouitsher / 03/09/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Work
Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
by fuck you, gran / 03/08/2013 at 7:38pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML
by marriage/celibacy/synonymity / 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Intimacy
Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML
by defrauded / 03/08/2013 at 1:44pm / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Money