Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cookiesFTW

Search for a member

cookiesFTW

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2164
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

cookiesFTW's page activity

Visits<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:39pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 9:16pm<b>SweetSwede</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 12:34am<b>AlaskanG</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm<b>nerovetsrethca</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 7:52pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:03am<b>dmblonde</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 12:18am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 5:06pm<b>amandathecreator</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 1:39pm<b>fmlxxsb</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 6:58pm<b>samquenda</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 5:30pm<b>chylew</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 12:12am<b>SwimmerBoy16</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 3:57pm<b>immenselyalive</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 11:42am<b>FerretFTW</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 12:43am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 11:13am<b>Simbaby</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 4:04pm<b>Wjanzen32</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 10:23pm

cookiesFTW's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of cookiesFTW's badges

cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, I got engaged to my boyfriend of three years. I made the announcement on my status on facebook so people would congratulate me. The only response I got about my engagement was from a girl I knew saying; "Umm, he didn't tell you he was cheating on you for three years with me?" FML

#4231503
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63811) - you deserved it (5440)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by ididntdoanythingaight (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (6185)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

#4087171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55822) - you deserved it (7171)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm - love - by RupeeLink - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

#4086782
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63013) - you deserved it (2984)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61829) - you deserved it (2321)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54278) - you deserved it (27779)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

#3860053
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55306) - you deserved it (2902)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by diamondsareforever (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90971) - you deserved it (4647)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90971) - you deserved it (4647)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

#3731184
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40552) - you deserved it (8078)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

#3656488
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39428) - you deserved it (4888)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

#3637305
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33574) - you deserved it (18872)

On 07/10/2009 at 11:08am - work - by unemployed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13946) - you deserved it (98153)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

#3430057
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20613) - you deserved it (47977)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

#3345356
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78347) - you deserved it (2892)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by marriedwithfamily (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: