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cookiesFTW

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cookiesFTW
  • Town/Country : Ontario, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1565
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37064) - you deserved it (5860)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

#4087171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52490) - you deserved it (6740)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm - love - by RupeeLink - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

#4086782
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60470) - you deserved it (2779)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59916) - you deserved it (2164)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50407) - you deserved it (26091)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

#3860053
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52694) - you deserved it (2711)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by diamondsareforever (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82397) - you deserved it (3911)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82397) - you deserved it (3911)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

#3731184
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (7744)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

#3656488
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36682) - you deserved it (4632)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

#3637305
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32350) - you deserved it (18460)

On 07/10/2009 at 11:08am - work - by unemployed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11950) - you deserved it (91884)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

#3430057
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19656) - you deserved it (46802)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

#3345356
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70899) - you deserved it (375)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by marriedwithfamily (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

#3203047
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32326) - you deserved it (4993)

On 06/25/2009 at 11:37am - misc - by mickstinator - United States (Texas)



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