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cookiesFTW

Offline (the 08/17/2014 at 1:40am) | Search for a member

cookiesFTW

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2487
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

cookiesFTW's page activity

Visits<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 2:12pm<b>CottonCandyQueen</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 8:08pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:39pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 9:16pm<b>SweetSwede</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 12:34am<b>AlaskanG</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm<b>nerovetsrethca</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 7:52pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:03am<b>dmblonde</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 12:18am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 5:06pm<b>amandathecreator</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 1:39pm<b>fmlxxsb</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 6:58pm<b>samquenda</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 5:30pm<b>chylew</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 12:12am<b>SwimmerBoy16</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 3:57pm<b>immenselyalive</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 11:42am<b>FerretFTW</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 12:43am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 11:13am

cookiesFTW's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of cookiesFTW's badges

cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

#18038631
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25295) - you deserved it (4110)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:19pm - health - by DMStarsky - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

#18037995
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49476) - you deserved it (3862)

On 10/21/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by prostitutes boyfriend - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

#18026685
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9938) - you deserved it (58942)

On 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by tommyboy783 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51778) - you deserved it (16534)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32042) - you deserved it (6335)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States

Today, at work, I misheard a customer telling me a story. To be polite, I did a slight laugh and nodded my head. She actually told me her mum had died. FML

#18021028
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22395) - you deserved it (19515)

On 10/19/2011 at 1:38am - work - by derbyboy - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

#18020757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28279) - you deserved it (2484)

On 10/19/2011 at 1:01am - misc - by mommydearist - United States (Texas)

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

#18014569
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41694) - you deserved it (8483)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

#18004959
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64358) - you deserved it (3885)

On 10/17/2011 at 4:39am - misc - by cupcake_butt - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

#18004250
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43472) - you deserved it (3553)

On 10/17/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by pokeballbra - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

#18003683
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33823) - you deserved it (2388)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

#18003524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34724) - you deserved it (2269)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:04am - animals - by minder97 - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

#17992894
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7476) - you deserved it (62188)

On 10/15/2011 at 8:47pm - misc - by mass message (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

#17977094
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64010) - you deserved it (3199)

On 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm - love - by Good sister (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11715) - you deserved it (41575)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)



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