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cookiesFTW

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cookiesFTW

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2214
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

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cookiesFTW's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of cookiesFTW's badges

cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

#18108798
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45191) - you deserved it (2597)

On 10/30/2011 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

#18108392
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39600) - you deserved it (22568)

On 10/30/2011 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Korisite - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

#18106898
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11377) - you deserved it (29092)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Messiahman - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

#18072512
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36022) - you deserved it (5653)

On 10/25/2011 at 2:46pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

#18070984
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23714) - you deserved it (19073)

On 10/25/2011 at 8:42am - love - by birgz (woman) -

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

#18070361
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36547) - you deserved it (3154)

On 10/25/2011 at 4:17am - misc - by myownperson - United States (Colorado)

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

#18060415
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11130) - you deserved it (39649)

On 10/24/2011 at 1:04am - love - by ShitHappens - United States

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

#18057227
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28430) - you deserved it (2439)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by charlotte9338 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

#18052574
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51607) - you deserved it (4047)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

#18049088
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29699) - you deserved it (3103)

On 10/22/2011 at 9:02pm - misc - by pretty_coin - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

#18047257
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10982) - you deserved it (37449)

On 10/22/2011 at 4:25pm - work - by Brony - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

#18045518
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29587) - you deserved it (5956)

On 10/22/2011 at 11:32am - misc - by Hair Fail - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

#18044835
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14894) - you deserved it (58045)

On 10/22/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaymash - United States (Michigan)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22384) - you deserved it (16698) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

#18044190
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22864) - you deserved it (6000)

On 10/22/2011 at 4:34am - misc - by tom0441 - Reserved



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