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cookies61889

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cookies61889
  • Town/Country : Lauderhill Florida, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2890
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookies61889 : Message me I always like talking to people
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Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML

#16310118
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33758) - you deserved it (5287)

On 05/23/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Badaboom (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19647) - you deserved it (40014)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

#16291587
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34499) - you deserved it (4733)

On 05/22/2011 at 1:35am - love - by severedface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

#16277369
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26380) - you deserved it (3862)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

#16277125
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37860) - you deserved it (5054)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:42am - misc - by thatsasquee - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37870) - you deserved it (3941)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

#16271295
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30823) - you deserved it (3074)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:29pm - work - by ewwgross - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML

#16250181
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25795) - you deserved it (6955)

On 05/19/2011 at 8:51am - misc - by awkwardd (man) - Hong Kong

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

#16237005
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50868) - you deserved it (3926)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, somebody stole my sunglasses. Fed up with the constant theft in my office, I stormed up to my boss, as he had long ago promised to catch the thief. He listened patiently to my rant before pointing out that my sunglasses were on my head. FML

#16235775
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9737) - you deserved it (40177)

On 05/18/2011 at 9:08am - work - by Red-cheeked -

Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML

#16234467
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57440) - you deserved it (3399)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:57am - intimacy - by Jackedup (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18836) - you deserved it (58354)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

#16188674
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33720) - you deserved it (6376) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/15/2011 at 2:19pm - misc - by bouda - France (Centre)

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

#16181302
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68142) - you deserved it (17313)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

#16176534
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41689) - you deserved it (3766)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by Clueless (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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