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Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook and cangd our relationsip status to single just to seiec of my friends would ( like ) it. After revealing to me wat se did, se now says I can no longer be friends wit anyoneo likd it. FML
Today.. . mah girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time . Just as I was about to climax.. . I spotted mah greatest fear.. . a big wasp.. . only a few inches away from me . I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail . She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever" . FML
Today , I walked downstars , made a bowl of hot cereal , and held a full conversation with brother's grlfriend , before I finally putted two and two together and realized I hadn't putted any pants on. mega FML
Today I tougt it would be a good idea to declare ma love to te girl I ave a crus on . I guess I souldn't ave gone an kissd er witout warning because now ma face is coverd wit slap marks an I ad to explain myself at te police station fir sexual arassement .
Today, ma boyfriend and I were about to ave sex in is car. He got out of te car and moved to te passenger seat wit me. As e sut te door, it slammed against ma fingers, breaking one of tem. He ten asked if we could still ave sex. FML
Yesterday, I was in the elevator with mah boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of mah life as we left the frst floor !! We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes !! FML
Today... I ran into mah ex-grlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. looool These days... she's a lawyer who makes six figure a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML
TODAY, AT MAH JOB AS A LIFEGUARD, THE KIDS IN THE POOL DECIDD TO START A NEW GAME. THE GAME INVOLVD SPREADING OUT TO DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE POOL AND PRETENDING TO BE DROWNING AT THE SAME TIME. WHOEVER WAS "SAVD" FIRST, WON. FML
Today, ma dad cummad round to ta ousa. Looking ratar plaasad wit imsalf a pullad out is pona, grinnad, an cuckad it ovar to ma. I glancad at ta scraan to saa a nakad woman. Ha smilad an said "I tappad tat last nigt". FML
Friday 27 March 2015