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cookie_3008's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/17/2011 at 9:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
by yuck / 11/15/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Animals
by sakura_girl / 11/04/2011 at 7:59am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health
by myownperson / 10/25/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by cheddar / 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Stacy Dee / 07/20/2011 at 4:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML
by devilboy / 07/06/2011 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
by dumbo / 07/30/2009 at 10:43am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
- Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off,… Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When… Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded.…