conman531

Search for a member

Offline (24 hours ago)

conman531

10Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 31 May 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1739
  • Number of comments : 249
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

About conman531 : I'm a home brewer looking to be a brew master! I love making beer! It's an art form if you ask me

conman531's page activity

Visits<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 4:20am<b>French_giirl</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 5:11pm<b>Lonelychick1249</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 11:16pm<b>absnow</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 3:22pm<b>mercedesm</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 9:29pm<b>zainman13</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 7:36pm<b>ciaraash</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 6:01pm<b>balakin</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 2:14am<b>mineller</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 2:15pm<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 10:32pm<b>shellykjelly</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 11:37am<b>annihil8or</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 11:30am<b>03taco</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 10:40pm<b>xXD3ath_Ang3lXx</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 3:55am<b>HitlerLovingFag</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 4:53am<b>cyb3rbyte</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:54am<b>Kidjazzin</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 12:56am<b>NoBothersForMe</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:00pm

Fucked!<b>NoBothersForMe</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 4:00am<b>trucker2</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 3:16am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 5:15am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:47am<b>mercedesm</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 3:36am<b>fatman1970</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 8:34pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 1:53am<b>WaltzingPhanthom</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 3:18pm<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:00pm

conman531's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of conman531's badges

conman531's favorite FMLs

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

by pissed out pants / 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

by Catuser / 03/05/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

by thanks.... / 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 2:18pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 9:55am / Love

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 5:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

by gutted / 04/21/2011 at 4:33am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

by embarassed / 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

by Haley. / 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids