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conman526

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conman526

0Fucked!

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 117
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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conman526's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33254) - you deserved it (2644)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

#21289931
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33915) - you deserved it (2828)

On 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm - kids - by ThaBoss12 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

#21288917
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31428) - you deserved it (2619)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34616) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43780) - you deserved it (3996)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37569) - you deserved it (2369)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44237) - you deserved it (4362)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64110) - you deserved it (14092)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

#17845836
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23679) - you deserved it (3241)

On 09/27/2011 at 4:28am - health - by toughbf (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

#14504771
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22743) - you deserved it (41036)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

#13909761
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41376) - you deserved it (4169)

On 11/20/2010 at 9:00am - animals - by serveandprotectyeahright - United States (New York)

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

#13699174
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33194) - you deserved it (4830)

On 11/03/2010 at 8:08am - work - by nurse (woman) - Reserved



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