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conman526

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conman526

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 60
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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conman526's favorite FMLs

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34294) - you deserved it (3548)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43381) - you deserved it (3972)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37438) - you deserved it (2356)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43003) - you deserved it (4241)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62919) - you deserved it (13805)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

#17845836
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/27/2011 at 4:28am - health - by toughbf (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

#14504771
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21912) - you deserved it (40156)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

#13909761
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41191) - you deserved it (4046)

On 11/20/2010 at 9:00am - animals - by serveandprotectyeahright - United States (New York)

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

#13699174
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31525) - you deserved it (4677)

On 11/03/2010 at 8:08am - work - by nurse (woman) - Reserved

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

#8492061
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20965) - you deserved it (4295)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by makeuuuuup (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home. According to her, stomach ulcers are not a true health issue, so there's no reason to leave. FML

#7814499
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38012) - you deserved it (1905)

On 02/02/2010 at 1:38pm - misc - by mollymaykitty - Sent from mobile version

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

#5926949
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32245) - you deserved it (4006)

On 10/21/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by TheSublime (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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Friday 24 October 2014

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