comparedmidget

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Offline (the 03/16/2015 at 2:20am)

comparedmidget

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 620
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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comparedmidget's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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comparedmidget's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

by ksmith / 08/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

by allycat / 07/24/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

by tgd4444 / 07/23/2011 at 6:29am / Malaysia (Johor) / Miscellaneous

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

by SonOfaSpy / 07/17/2011 at 9:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

by omfgfmlife / 07/05/2011 at 10:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

by princev / 06/18/2011 at 6:32am / United States / Health

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

by 8sq / 06/10/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

by Max Flynn / 05/20/2011 at 6:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 12:41am / Animals

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

by drebel / 03/09/2011 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

by QuicksilverMaximoff / 01/30/2011 at 9:46am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Kids

Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML

by terrible kenny / 01/30/2011 at 4:24am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

by fail / 01/15/2011 at 8:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

by kenz / 12/06/2010 at 3:18am / United States / Miscellaneous