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comparedmidget

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  • Number of visits : 141
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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comparedmidget's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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comparedmidget's favorite FMLs

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

#20017485
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23774) - you deserved it (2377)

On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30987) - you deserved it (8564)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I found an empty parking space in a crowded parking lot. When I came back later, a lady and a cop were standing by my car. Her car used to be parked there and got stolen. They think I'm involved. FML

#19836485
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (1555)

On 06/23/2012 at 11:23pm - misc - by Melinie - United States

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

#19818788
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24919) - you deserved it (2790)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by phonnah - United States (Maryland)

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

#19746532
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27435) - you deserved it (3640)

On 06/06/2012 at 9:25pm - misc - by HELP - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22881) - you deserved it (2262)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

#19608230
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29036) - you deserved it (9304)

On 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by 504-A1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

#19488517
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9273) - you deserved it (17806)

On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

#19450814
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (1866)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

#19369767
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38999) - you deserved it (2431)

On 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML

#19366702
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5948) - you deserved it (23795)

On 03/28/2012 at 10:03pm - misc - by Cass - Australia

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

#19270777
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25293) - you deserved it (1638)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

#19250645
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19012) - you deserved it (3603)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:16am - love - by callen5 (man) - United States (Illinois)



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