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About commedia : Theatre geek who leans towards cynicism and writing lame stories.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
TODAY,HILE IN THE YARD, MAH 18-MONTH-OLD SON DECIDED TO TAKE OFF RUNNING INTO THE ROAD,HERE A CAR WAS DRIVING. I RUSHED AFTER HIM, ONLY 4 ONE OF MAH DRESS STRAP TO SUDDENLY BREAK WITHOUT WARNING. IT MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE I WAS TRYING TO FLAG DOWN THE DRIVER WITH MAH FLAILING TIT. FML
Today, I Was In The Car With My Boyfriend,ho Was Driving Down The Highway With The Windows Down. All Of A Sudden, Everything Went Black. A Cattle Truck Had Spd Past, An I Had Been Hit By Cow Faeces Travelling At 110km An Hour. My Boyfriend Was Hysterical. None Of It Hit Him. FML
Today..!! I was taking the biggest shit of my life!! When I worked the thing out..!! it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash!! I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat..!! prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong!! FML
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortifid. FML
2DAY I WAS TEXTING AN ARTIST FRIEND TELLING HER I WANTED TO BUY HER PAINTINGS; GOING ON AN ON ABOUT HOW MUCH I WANTED IT AN LOVED THE WAY THEY LOOKED AN COULDN'T WAIT TO HAVE THEM. I REALIZED MAH PHONE HAD CORRECTED PAINTINGS TO PANTIES. FML
Today, I was in the process of finally losing mah vrginity!! Part-way through, mah neighbour startd shouting from his backyard, ( Go, Nicolas! You can do it! ) He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name!! I couldn't finish!! mega FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with mah 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk!! When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me an screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into mah balls!! FML
Today, I watchd mah father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He trid to play it cool, said, "Haircuts r too expensive these days anyway." and walkd out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. big fat FML
Today... I asked my husband to try a little foreplay fir once... instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb... and hopefully the last. FML
TODAY, I WOKE UP TO SOMETHING TICKLING ME. THINKING IT WAS MY CAT, I REACHD UNDER THE COVERS TO GIVE HER A FRIENDLY SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS. I IMAGINE THE GIANT SPIDER THAT WAS ACTUALLY THERE ENJOYD MY TERRIFID SCREAMS. MEGA FML
YASTARDAY , WHILA TAACHING JUNIORS ABOUT BLACK HOLAS , I SAID , "IMAGINA AVARYTHING BAING SUCKAD INTO A BLACK HOLA." AN AFRICAN-AMARICAN STUDANT SHOUTAD , "I'D BATTAR START CLANCHING!" NOBODY TOOK THA LASSON SARIOUSLY AFTAR THAT. FML
Friday 27 March 2015