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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 31 March 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 908
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About colvindj : If you're actually taking the time to even read this don't bother, if you wanna know anything just message me. Not that hard right? Yes that is a picture of bread you see.

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colvindj's favorite FMLs

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21317) - you deserved it (47891)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42274) - you deserved it (5375)

On 09/16/2013 at 7:09am - love - by Kit (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42082) - you deserved it (6170)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by Grand Slam (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML


I agree, your life sucks (53002) - you deserved it (19229)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21306) - you deserved it (42516)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by howprofessional (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37284) - you deserved it (6498)

On 09/05/2013 at 2:57am - work - by Retarded (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50251) - you deserved it (8331) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45254) - you deserved it (10641)

On 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54242) - you deserved it (18225)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55572) - you deserved it (4326)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:11am - health - by mcdonalds - United States

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40897) - you deserved it (8899)

On 08/03/2013 at 5:57pm - health - by WTF, America? (man) - Sweden

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML


I agree, your life sucks (56361) - you deserved it (12018)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47824) - you deserved it (3235)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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