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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2860
  • Number of comments : 159
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 41 posted

About colton_colton : No, the girl is not my kid, she's someone I watched at my church VBS, but i do love her :)

colton_colton's page activity

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colton_colton's FML badges


You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of colton_colton's badges

colton_colton's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31445) - you deserved it (14465)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36009) - you deserved it (17291)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML


I agree, your life sucks (43677) - you deserved it (16602)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40926) - you deserved it (4580)

On 08/18/2014 at 8:10am - kids - by I hate children - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43783) - you deserved it (3087)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41672) - you deserved it (17451)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34737) - you deserved it (24780)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:29am - money - by notacashier - United States (New York)

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33913) - you deserved it (21213)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:57pm - misc - by wiifantcso (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43039) - you deserved it (6140)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML


I agree, your life sucks (37445) - you deserved it (5702)

On 06/04/2014 at 9:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52396) - you deserved it (5050)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to prove to my dad that I can drive, so that he'd let me use his car in future. Let's just say I helped him remove the fence that he was planning to repair. FML


Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML


I agree, your life sucks (42404) - you deserved it (5546)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

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