Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

colton_colton

Search for a member

colton_colton

109Fucked!

colton_coltoncolton_colton
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4362
  • Number of comments : 172
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 43 posted

About colton_colton : No, the girl is not my kid, she's someone I watched at my church VBS, but i do love her :)

colton_colton's page activity

Visits<b>toaster87</b> - 4 hours ago<b>Octane_89</b> - 5 hours ago<b>josiemijn</b> - 8 hours ago<b>alexisisabel17</b> - 8 hours ago<b>vicky_lynnnnn</b> - 9 hours ago<b>aishah77</b> - 12 hours ago<b>HarleyBlues</b> - 12 hours ago<b>julia_adamec</b> - 13 hours ago<b>Silverfeathery</b> - 15 hours ago<b>xxtatumalyssaxx</b> - 15 hours ago<b>Gabygonzalez9211</b> - 17 hours ago<b>TexasDiesel97</b> - 17 hours ago<b>qdawg06</b> - 22 hours ago<b>aaliyahmlp</b> - yesterday at 3:10pm<b>joeythesheaff</b> - yesterday at 2:45pm<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - yesterday at 1:30pm<b>errrrrrin</b> - yesterday at 12:33pm<b>Stephanie001_</b> - yesterday at 11:12am

Fucked!<b>HarleyBlues</b> - 6 hours ago<b>xxtatumalyssaxx</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Gabygonzalez9211</b> - 11 hours ago<b>joeythesheaff</b> - yesterday at 8:45pm<b>winterforever97</b> - yesterday at 6:29am<b>Phylo</b> - yesterday at 6:02am<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 1:48pm<b>terspal</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 7:31pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 1:34pm<b>kj8387</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 8:34pm<b>redlight98</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 1:51pm<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 3:37am<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 3:28pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 6:06pm<b>jdavidnew0</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 5:14am<b>ChampHero</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 6:58pm<b>abv96</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 12:20am<b>oreily12</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 9:23pm

colton_colton's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of colton_colton's badges

colton_colton's favorite FMLs

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

#21417851
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29450) - you deserved it (2491)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

#21408338
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23628) - you deserved it (3851)

On 05/11/2015 at 10:37am - money - by technodont - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17324) - you deserved it (32367)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (3281)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32994) - you deserved it (15439)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36079) - you deserved it (17357)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46177) - you deserved it (17899)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

#21240389
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41065) - you deserved it (4585)

On 08/18/2014 at 8:10am - kids - by I hate children - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45758) - you deserved it (3288)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43023) - you deserved it (17997)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

#21197152
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37302) - you deserved it (26666)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:29am - money - by notacashier - United States (New York)

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

#21195344
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35664) - you deserved it (22472)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:57pm - misc - by wiifantcso (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43180) - you deserved it (6150)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

#21162641
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37572) - you deserved it (5713)

On 06/04/2014 at 9:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56926) - you deserved it (5641)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: