colton_colton

Search for a member

colton_colton

176Fucked!

colton_coltoncolton_colton
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6622
  • Number of comments : 179
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 46 posted

About colton_colton : No, the girl is not my kid, she's someone I watched at my church VBS, but i do love her :)
Feel free to message me, i usually always answer.

colton_colton's page activity

Visits<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/16/2016 at 7:51pm<b>matalemu</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 6:35am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 5:22am<b>Oliveisthenewora</b> - the 07/08/2016 at 2:27pm<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 11:40am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 8:01pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 4:08pm<b>george_s_4</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 7:07am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 5:46am<b>Asters_Blooming</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 6:48am<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 12:09am<b>SocialAmethyst</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 10:48pm<b>CatMuffin</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 9:19am<b>coolhihi11</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 11:10pm<b>Sevichay</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 5:43am<b>oOMissBelleOo</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 2:17am<b>marshm610</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 10:10am<b>FuckThisLogin</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 6:39pm

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 2:01am<b>CatMuffin</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 3:18pm<b>wafflelover</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 5:51pm<b>whybrowhy</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 6:08am<b>maddie_xo</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 3:34pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 10:34am<b>Bethaneey</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 5:17am<b>SourPatchTeen</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:12am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 4:32pm<b>Myorafield</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 2:48pm<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:49pm<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 6:03am<b>maheen_khan</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 5:34pm<b>kitkat818</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 9:56am<b>courtneylynn2464</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 4:29am<b>rookworst</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 10:02pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 5:19am<b>NoYesNoYesNoYes</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 2:56am

colton_colton's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of colton_colton's badges

colton_colton's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

by not as easy as pie / 10/16/2015 at 12:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

by paaaallllmmmssss / 09/25/2015 at 11:40pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

by technodont / 05/11/2015 at 10:37am / United States / Money

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm / France (Bretagne) / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

by I hate children / 08/18/2014 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Kids

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

by ninnang / 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

by Snow-White / 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Animals