Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

colton_colton

Search for a member

colton_colton

149Fucked!

colton_coltoncolton_colton
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4608
  • Number of comments : 172
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 44 posted

About colton_colton : No, the girl is not my kid, she's someone I watched at my church VBS, but i do love her :)

colton_colton's page activity

Visits<b>Hop6e</b> - 9 hours ago<b>PrincessKenny</b> - yesterday at 3:15am<b>ScottLucky</b> - yesterday at 12:15am<b>_ansley_2013</b> - yesterday at 11:26pm<b>memphishan</b> - yesterday at 1:56pm<b>Ikashy73</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 8:42pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 2:46pm<b>Semperfi92340</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 2:40pm<b>Hyenayena</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 1:39pm<b>afrostybird</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 9:22am<b>carilica</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 8:16pm<b>blackwidowtaco</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 8:32am<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 8:26am<b>Albertagirl97</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 1:19am<b>SUPERKAYLA</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 11:52pm<b>chlobo1122</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 3:28pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 3:12pm<b>UselessReject23</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 2:23pm

Fucked!<b>ScottLucky</b> - 22 hours ago<b>Space_Teddy</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 11:36am<b>Umbraelux</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 10:49am<b>skyblueprincess</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 4:03am<b>Stephers_</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 9:47am<b>nicoleq890</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 4:58am<b>devi_916</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 9:05pm<b>idkwhoiam15</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:13pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 7:23pm<b>SteamyPenguin</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:13am<b>GhostDuck</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 6:06am<b>annabethjackson4</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 5:38am<b>waffleprincess18</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 9:45am<b>kdonut</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 4:22am<b>Mar2171</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 7:48pm<b>itslaelae</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 4:20am<b>SquidgyOmAm</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 4:49am<b>csjc</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 2:37am

colton_colton's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of colton_colton's badges

colton_colton's favorite FMLs

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

#21417851
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29491) - you deserved it (2494)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

#21408338
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23651) - you deserved it (3854)

On 05/11/2015 at 10:37am - money - by technodont - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (32383)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29506) - you deserved it (3281)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33009) - you deserved it (15454)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36095) - you deserved it (17365)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46206) - you deserved it (17907)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

#21240389
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41085) - you deserved it (4585)

On 08/18/2014 at 8:10am - kids - by I hate children - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45778) - you deserved it (3290)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43040) - you deserved it (18003)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

#21197152
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37326) - you deserved it (26682)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:29am - money - by notacashier - United States (New York)

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

#21195344
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35915) - you deserved it (22635)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:57pm - misc - by wiifantcso (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43205) - you deserved it (6150)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

#21162641
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37589) - you deserved it (5714)

On 06/04/2014 at 9:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56965) - you deserved it (5646)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: