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colourmeacloudx

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colourmeacloudx

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colourmeacloudx's favorite FMLs

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38543) - you deserved it (10824)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37320) - you deserved it (4952)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25310) - you deserved it (55547)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

#21073158
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40063) - you deserved it (3360)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by SchoolFMLs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41420) - you deserved it (12493)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49360) - you deserved it (8395)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46007) - you deserved it (16709)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43969) - you deserved it (9922)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51811) - you deserved it (14916)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54959) - you deserved it (27614)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

#20869383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57552) - you deserved it (4119)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by whatjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30810) - you deserved it (52960)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42813) - you deserved it (7177)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

#20822120
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51348) - you deserved it (14552)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68261) - you deserved it (9006)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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