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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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coldplaylive2003

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coldplaylive2003
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7097
  • Number of comments : 90
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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Today, my girlfriend of 8 years attempted to explain to me how the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a BS in Biology and a MS in Anthropology and I am working on my Phd and she thinks I am being an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

#3970394 (366)

I agree, your life sucks (37025) - you deserved it (7215)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

#3956685 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (37011) - you deserved it (3735)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by PokeTheBear (man) - Canada

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

#3146320 (459)

I agree, your life sucks (137107) - you deserved it (19620)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033 (285)

I agree, your life sucks (7716) - you deserved it (76465)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

#2980433 (246)

I agree, your life sucks (35343) - you deserved it (10871)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:40pm - love - by fcnk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (37060) - you deserved it (23532)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

#2799622 (1233)

I agree, your life sucks (31602) - you deserved it (473933)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (65241) - you deserved it (16028)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (47580) - you deserved it (16517)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (268339) - you deserved it (32439)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (43464) - you deserved it (361127)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (63589)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

#30377 (41)

I agree, your life sucks (31774) - you deserved it (3556)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

#2412 (34)

I agree, your life sucks (18291) - you deserved it (4826)

On 01/24/2009 at 5:50am - money - by waitingformyfoodstamps - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

#510 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (3712) - you deserved it (35239)

On 12/14/2008 at 12:15am - misc - by Behemoth2 - Sent from mobile version