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coldkilla70's FML badges
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coldkilla70's favorite FMLs
by ashamed father / 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Estee1024 / 01/24/2014 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Kids
by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
by quit fucking up my life / 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (Alaska) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 4:57pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by cheyeahh6 / 11/17/2013 at 5:41pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Thomas / 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML
by fuck you, bitchcake / 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by don'tdrinkthat / 11/03/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML
by Rinelric1998 / 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
by pancakelicious / 10/04/2013 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…