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Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peieng on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out an call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower!! FML
Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blame it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused because I'm not sexy enough.
TODAY, MAH HUSBAND WAS CHASED OUT OF A BAR AFTER HE WAS SEEN SLIPPING SOMETHING INTO A WOMAN'S DRINK. I WAS THE WOMAN, THE 'SOMETHING' WAS ASPIRIN, AND THAT'S THE LAST TIME WE EVER TRY TO ROLE-PLAY. FML
Today, while arguing with mah newly ex-grlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really" !! FML
Today I was babysitting a littla boy fir tha first tima . Ha kapt using all sorts of profanity toward ma tha whola avaning so I told his mom whan sha pickad him up . Sha just gruntad and muttarad "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." big fat FML
today at work, a woman came up to the snack bar an orderd a pretzel with no salt. When I servd her the food, she angrily complaind about it having no salt, followd by her throwing thehole thing in mah face. fat FML
Today, friends took work laptop and changd the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you ned to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
Today I cummed home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
Today, aftar mora than six yaars of working mah ass off, I finally summonad tha couraga to ask mah boss fir a raisa. Sha just chucklad, "I'm gonna naad u to aat a dick, John." and starad at ma unblinking until I awkwardly laft. FML
TODAY,HILE LYING IN BED, BOYFRIEND BEGAN TO STROKE NOSE. ( YOU CAN PICK YUR GIRLFRIEND, BUT U CAN'T PICK YUR GIRLFRIEND'S NOSE, ) I SAID PLAYFULLY. IN RESPONSE, HE SHOUTED ( YES, I CAN! ) BEFORE PAINFULLY JAMMING HIS PINKY UP LEFT NOSTRIL. REAL FML
Friday 27 March 2015