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cnewton84

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cnewton84

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 May 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 700
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cnewton84's page activity

Visits<b>kjblack</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 12:23am<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 4:26pm<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:41pm<b>thee_most_dope</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 10:43pm<b>AbyadRahman</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 4:23pm<b>AkaMido</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:27am<b>elibel</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:32pm<b>popprock</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 2:38pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 8:48am<b>joemud</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 7:04am<b>Here4theshow</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 5:44am<b>vmbrocca</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:25am<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:43pm<b>musicloverwells</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:30pm<b>Kissell</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:24pm<b>joshbrown33</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:29am<b>sexypralav</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 6:56am<b>Celestial_Dreams</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 1:38pm

cnewton84's FML badges

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

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cnewton84's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42894) - you deserved it (2735)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23235) - you deserved it (5679)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

#21345701
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17461) - you deserved it (11202)

On 01/28/2015 at 5:20pm - misc - by WildShortstop13 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39862) - you deserved it (2216)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34543) - you deserved it (6160)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28600) - you deserved it (24014)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32425) - you deserved it (3440)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44797) - you deserved it (16578)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54678) - you deserved it (3676)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35235) - you deserved it (11529)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40362) - you deserved it (6132)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

#21197297
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48834) - you deserved it (4149)

On 07/03/2014 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49401) - you deserved it (5497)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

#21173465
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43201) - you deserved it (5444)

On 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm - health - by green and not with envy (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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