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cnewton84

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cnewton84

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 May 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 461
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cnewton84's page activity

Visits<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:41pm<b>thee_most_dope</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 10:43pm<b>AbyadRahman</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 4:23pm<b>AkaMido</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:27am<b>elibel</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:32pm<b>popprock</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 2:38pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 8:48am<b>joemud</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 7:04am<b>Here4theshow</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 5:44am<b>vmbrocca</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:25am<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:43pm<b>musicloverwells</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:30pm<b>Kissell</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:24pm<b>joshbrown33</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:29am<b>sexypralav</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 6:56am<b>Celestial_Dreams</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 1:38pm<b>euphoricness</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 9:08pm<b>SkoomaKi</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:17am

cnewton84's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of cnewton84's badges

cnewton84's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25965) - you deserved it (21267)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (3430)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (16470)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54248) - you deserved it (3661)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35157) - you deserved it (11506)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40294) - you deserved it (6121)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

#21197297
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48737) - you deserved it (4145)

On 07/03/2014 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49316) - you deserved it (5491)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

#21173465
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41825) - you deserved it (5306)

On 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm - health - by green and not with envy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43162) - you deserved it (6109)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47471) - you deserved it (7221)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (53438)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

#21132642
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33529) - you deserved it (39443)

On 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

#21130670
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42976) - you deserved it (6136)

On 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

#21104331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42505) - you deserved it (4141)

On 04/04/2014 at 10:17am - kids - by AshleyP - United Kingdom



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