Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cnewton84

Online | Search for a member

cnewton84

11Fucked!

cnewton84cnewton84
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 14 May 1998 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1148
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About cnewton84 : 17, I like pizza

cnewton84's page activity

Visits<b>MrsJellyBean</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:24pm<b>Jamilal16</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 3:30pm<b>cubby___0o</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 3:29pm<b>caaguilar</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 10:21pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 1:03pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 3:57am<b>balboa_2</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:35am<b>itslaelae</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 8:40pm<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 10:17am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 8:37am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 2:04am<b>Lct1196</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 10:21am<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 2:56pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 9:17am<b>srinathmatti</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 7:49am<b>FMLUSER12345612</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 11:09pm<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 3:30am<b>Daevas</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 4:40am

Fucked!<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 9:30am<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 6:45pm<b>flyingmind</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 2:25pm<b>skye147</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 1:45pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 5:10am<b>ILikeKoalas</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 4:22am<b>murphyb765</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 4:02am<b>carebear1228</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 6:55pm<b>Googleimages</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 6:54pm<b>my3words</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 12:26pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 12:11pm

cnewton84's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of cnewton84's badges

cnewton84's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18513) - you deserved it (2449)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25639) - you deserved it (1880)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

#21443327
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28792) - you deserved it (4493)

On 07/18/2015 at 1:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

#21443029
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23515) - you deserved it (3702)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

#21438976
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39247) - you deserved it (2164)

On 07/09/2015 at 10:38am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

 Today, I had to explain to my little brother yet again that no, socks don't count as toilet paper. FML

#21426539
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26320) - you deserved it (1914)

On 06/15/2015 at 3:11pm - kids - by maggieyokoi -

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

#21424396
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28563) - you deserved it (1740)

On 06/11/2015 at 9:44am - work - by McFuckYouTooCunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

#21424116
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25580) - you deserved it (1599)

On 06/10/2015 at 8:13pm - misc - by its still broken (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29577) - you deserved it (3770)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24075) - you deserved it (6248)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27908) - you deserved it (2116)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25109) - you deserved it (7106)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29031) - you deserved it (5487)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (5328)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML



FML's blog

  • FML with pics? That's FML Pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. We reckoned pictures could be worth 300 characters, which is why we launched FML Pics. The name says it all, really: it's an FML app, only with…

Monday 3 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: