Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cnewton84

Search for a member

cnewton84
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 May 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 120
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

cnewton84's last visitors

CaffieneKingthemonestermanNevracceptdefeatkrupa1017MaryssaJeanWelshitealshygirlthelittlemissy

cnewton84's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of cnewton84's badges

cnewton84's favorite FMLs

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

#21104331
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39819) - you deserved it (3607)

On 04/04/2014 at 10:17am - kids - by AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17639) - you deserved it (43194)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

#21092916
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39403) - you deserved it (7308)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm - misc - by BMTH2296 (man) - United States

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42653) - you deserved it (3482)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

#20602988
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40697) - you deserved it (12170)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Aberrombie Blue - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30442) - you deserved it (2136)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (4239)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9394) - you deserved it (17624)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I'd had it with my mom's addiction to weed, so I told her to choose between me or the weed. I'm currently looking on Craigslist for an apartment. FML

#18523921
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31645) - you deserved it (11462)

On 12/15/2011 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

#18187794
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4426) - you deserved it (36712)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:14pm - misc - by farhia97 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

#17394745
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20205) - you deserved it (2870)

On 08/07/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by fugachumi - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42555) - you deserved it (6478)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I need to find a way to explain to my 5, 7 and 12 year old kids their uncle wants to become their aunt. FML

#13773002
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45176) - you deserved it (8494)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

#13202314
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30477) - you deserved it (2299)

On 09/25/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

#12536265
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31646) - you deserved it (1827)

On 08/15/2010 at 8:52am - love - by wtf - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: