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clumsydude's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML
by TipsyTj / 03/29/2016 at 9:05am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/28/2016 at 4:23pm / United States / Love
Today, I went on my first date. When we got to the restaurant he started hitting on the waitress. As soon as we sat down he took out his iPod and watched a video, then took out his phone and went on Tinder. Then about a minute before the bill came he dissapeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes. FML
by hollyglambert / 03/27/2016 at 1:21pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Badam / 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm / France (Aquitaine) / Love
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
by sarajj / 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 11:21am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML
by Ann / 03/18/2013 at 10:36am / United States / Intimacy
by noooooooo / 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML
by kenleybunch / 03/12/2013 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States / Love
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 12:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…