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clumsychick87

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clumsychick87

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  • Number of visits : 39
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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clumsychick87's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10778) - you deserved it (33403)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49159) - you deserved it (13914)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (2407)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40083) - you deserved it (9564)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

#20477568
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28988) - you deserved it (2370)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:30am - health - by asthmattack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

#20477493
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25579) - you deserved it (12325)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30208) - you deserved it (2701)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

#20474414
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33940) - you deserved it (3487)

On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

#20472773
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29820) - you deserved it (2602)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:14am - work - by Job Seeking (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39614) - you deserved it (2675)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

#20466497
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31170) - you deserved it (5361)

On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59004) - you deserved it (6792)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38734) - you deserved it (3285)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36489) - you deserved it (3823)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -



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