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claycalv

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claycalv

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1893
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

#8288
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40133) - you deserved it (8409)

On 02/04/2009 at 3:20pm - love - by banana (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

#7894
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44586) - you deserved it (2547)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by disgusting (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43179) - you deserved it (2220)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

#6517
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7729) - you deserved it (51765)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:30pm - misc - by j0natron (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

#5393
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32966) - you deserved it (9845)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by JD (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

#4243
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30759) - you deserved it (2441)

On 01/31/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by toosmall - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46136) - you deserved it (6134)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (5647)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

#4119
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (5351)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

#3670
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (6121)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:42am - love - by anonymous neighbor - United States (New York)

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23477) - you deserved it (7049)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25864) - you deserved it (3661)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

#3269
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9019) - you deserved it (21230)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by jalopenos - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

#3203
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7288) - you deserved it (35088)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:05pm - animals - by kittydead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

#3202
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7186) - you deserved it (28446)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by wsumt - United States (Ohio)



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