Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

claycalv

Search for a member

claycalv
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1554
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

claycalv's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

#8789
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42986) - you deserved it (3253)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:40pm - kids - by teach - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

#8288
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34042) - you deserved it (7504)

On 02/04/2009 at 3:20pm - love - by banana (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

#7894
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33882) - you deserved it (1650)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by disgusting (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36521) - you deserved it (1758)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

#6517
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5406) - you deserved it (41461)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:30pm - misc - by j0natron (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

#5393
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27493) - you deserved it (8535)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by JD (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

#4243
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24926) - you deserved it (1912)

On 01/31/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by toosmall - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38678) - you deserved it (5035)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25304) - you deserved it (4924)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

#4119
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20500) - you deserved it (4322)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

#3670
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18434) - you deserved it (4781)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:42am - love - by anonymous neighbor - United States (New York)

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18206) - you deserved it (6127)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19001) - you deserved it (2785)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

#3269
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6595) - you deserved it (16232)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by jalopenos - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

#3203
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4091) - you deserved it (25113)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:05pm - animals - by kittydead - Canada (Ontario)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: