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  • Number of visits : 2128
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

by banana / 02/04/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

by disgusting / 02/04/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

by RustyBulletHole / 02/04/2009 at 2:53am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

by j0natron / 02/03/2009 at 3:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

by JD / 02/02/2009 at 12:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

by toosmall / 01/31/2009 at 4:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

by Yoshi / 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

by MichiganExile / 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

by fuckit / 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

by anonymous neighbor / 01/30/2009 at 9:42am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

by Anon / 01/30/2009 at 6:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

by Noname / 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

by jalopenos / 01/29/2009 at 5:27am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Work

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

by kittydead / 01/28/2009 at 8:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

by wsumt / 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous