claycalv

Search for a member

claycalv

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2021
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

claycalv's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

by Shamu / 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

by shit's weak / 02/13/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

by kiwi / 02/13/2009 at 2:24pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

by shorty / 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

by shinoza / 02/13/2009 at 10:02am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

by veggiegal / 02/13/2009 at 9:45am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

by abi_vet_student / 02/13/2009 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Animals

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

by Dariya / 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

by atterz123 / 02/12/2009 at 8:37am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

by KWM / 02/12/2009 at 8:28am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

by Mal2222 / 02/12/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

by bm / 02/11/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

by JLoistheBomb / 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

by fml / 02/05/2009 at 6:41am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

by teach / 02/04/2009 at 7:40pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids