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claycalv

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claycalv

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  • Number of visits : 1673
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25468) - you deserved it (66205)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

#98972
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11995) - you deserved it (68870)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

#96443
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43906) - you deserved it (11555)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by goddamitme (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

#95150
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12849) - you deserved it (30104)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:33am - misc - by story of my life. - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

#94421
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7819) - you deserved it (44661)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:44am - animals - by Chubsley (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

#90535
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39583) - you deserved it (6063)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:13pm - misc - by niabby - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

#86812
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43382) - you deserved it (2806)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:12am - love - by robotzzz (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

#86179
742 comments

I agree, your life sucks (773073) - you deserved it (82815)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

#84789
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84518) - you deserved it (17645)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

#81236
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44115) - you deserved it (22629)

On 02/19/2009 at 7:17pm - health - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52789) - you deserved it (3280)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49087) - you deserved it (4878)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

#77446
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40987) - you deserved it (27358)

On 02/19/2009 at 11:57am - work - by AbsolutelyEffed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

#76277
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11617) - you deserved it (45076)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by cynicalcindy (woman) - United States (California)



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