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  • Number of visits : 2121
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

by goddamitme / 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

by story of my life. / 02/21/2009 at 9:33am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

by Chubsley / 02/21/2009 at 2:44am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

by niabby / 02/20/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

by robotzzz / 02/20/2009 at 9:12am / Love

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

by Noname / 02/20/2009 at 12:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

by Noname / 02/19/2009 at 7:17pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

by Noname / 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

by dpl / 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

by AppoKing / 02/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

by AbsolutelyEffed / 02/19/2009 at 11:57am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

by cynicalcindy / 02/19/2009 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

by Offended / 02/19/2009 at 2:09am / United States (New York) / Health